Posts

Contempt of Court!

Ek Aadmi KoPatni Ke Saath Maarpeet Karne Ke Jurm Mein Adalat Mein Peh Kiya Gaya. Judge Ne Pati Se Puri Baat Bade Dhyaan Se Suni Aur Future Mein Doabara Aisa Na Karne Ki Warning Dekar Chod Diya. Agle Hi Din Aadmi Ne Patni Ko Phir Se Maara-Peeta. Usko Phir Se Adalat Mein Usi Judge Ke Saamne Pesh Kiya Gaya. Judge Ne Gusse Se Pucha: Tumhaari Himmat Kaise Hui Apni Patni Ko Dobara Marne-Peetne Ki??? Adalat Ko Mazaak Samajhte Ho Kya? Aadmi Ne Apni Safaai Mein Judge Ko Bataya: Nahi Sir, Aap Meri Puri Baat Sun Lijiye. Kal Jab Aaapne Mujhe Chod Diya Toh Meine Khud Ko Refresh Karne Ke Liye Thodi Si Sharaab Pi Li... Jab Us Se Koi Phark Nahin Pada Toh Thodi Si Aur Laga Li... Aur Deheere-Dheere Kar Ke Mein Saari Bottle Pi Gaya. Peene Ke Baad Jab Mein Ghar Pahuncha Toh Patni Chillakar, Badi Badtameezi Se Boli: Nalayak.... Aa Gaya Naali Ka Ganda Pani Peekar??? Sir Ji, Mainne Chupchaap Sun Liya... Kuch Nahin Kaha. Phir Vo Boli: Besharam, Kuch Kaam Dhandha Bhi Kiya Kar... Sirf Paise Barbaa
Read more

Sharabiyon Ke Muhavare

Muhavare Aur Unke Sharabic Arth: Haath Paanv Phoolna: Samay Pe Daaru Ka Na Milna. Oont Ke Moonh Mein Jeera - Daaru Kam Padna. Kaleja Thanda Hona - Pehle Peg Ka Gale Se Neeche Utarna. Munh Meetha Karna - Pehli Baar Kisi Ko Daaru Pilana. Haath Saaf Karna - Party Mein Bottle Ko Dheere se Paar Kar Dena. Neki Kar Dariya Mein Daal - Free Mein Yaaron-Doston Ko Pilana. Aankh Phadakna - Nasha Utar Jaana. Aankh Laal Karna - Ful Tunn Ho Jaana. Andhe Ki Laathi - Koi Free Mein Pilaane Waala Mil Jaana. Angaron Pe Pair Rakhna - Daaru Pee Ke Gar Jaana. Til Ka Taad Banana - Daaru Peekar Updesh Dena. Than-Than Gopal - Peene Ke Liye Paise Na Hona. Dum Mein Dum Aana - Peene Ke Saath Chakna Ka Jugaad Ho Jaana. Chaati Pe Saanp Lotna - Bina Jaankaari Ke Theke Ka Band Ho Jaana. Kaam Tamaam Karna - Puri Bottle Khatam Karna.
Read more

Husband-Wife Humour

Husband: Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Phayada Hua Hai. Wife: Kaun Sa Phayada? Husband: Mujhe Mere Gunaaho Ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gai. What's the difference between Dava & Daru? Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni Purani Hogi Utna Hi Sir Chad Ke Bolegi. Wife: Sunte Ho Ji? Husband: Haan Bolo! Mujhe Happiness Ki Spelling Batao!! Husband: Likh... UNMARRIED. Santa: Dekh Teri Biwi Ko Saap Kaat Raha hai... Banta: Chinta Mat Kar Yaar, Kuch Nahi Hota, Saap Ka Zehar Khatam Ho Gaya Hai, Recharge Kawane Aaya Hhoga. Ek Aadmi Apne Biwi Ke Har Kaam Me Nuks Nikalta Rehta Tha. Agar Wo Anda Boil Kar Ke Deti Toh Kehta Ke Fry Karna Tha, Agar Fry Karti Toh Kehta Ke Boil Karna Tha. Ek Din Biwi Ne Dono Bana Diya. Pehle Toh Wo Dono Andon Ko Gaur Say Dekhta Raha, Phir Kehne Laga... Tumhe Akal Kab Ayegi... Jis Anday Ko Fry Karna Tha Usko Tumne Boil Kar Dia Aur Jisko Boil Karna Tha Usko Fry Kar Diya. Height of Misunderstanding: Wif
Read more

Who's The Best?

Friend 1: Yaar Hamare Desh Mein Kis Community Ke Log Sab Se Achhe Nagrik Hain ? Friend 2: Baniye... Friend 1: Matlab? Friend 2: Har Jagah Likha Hota Hai, Desh Ke Acche Nagrik 'Baniye' Desh Bhakt 'Baniye' Samajhdar 'Baniye' Imandar 'Baniye' Sachche 'Baniye' Padhe Likhe 'Baniye' Samajik 'Baniye' Vyavaharik 'Baniye' Shakahari 'Baniye' Satvik 'Baniye' Dharmik 'Baniye'
Read more

Lajawab Santa

Santa: Oye Banta, Ye Tere Haath-Pair Kaise Toot Gaye? Banta: Ab Kya Bataun Yaar, Vo Joh Mere Pados Mein Chinese Rehta Hai Na... Santa: Vahi Jiski Pichle Saal Shaadi Hui Thi? Banta: Haan Yaar Vahi. Kal Uski Biwi Mar Gayi. Santa: Toh!!!??? Banta: Toh Kya? Vo Ro Raha Tha Toh Maine Kaha Ki Bhai Dukhi Mat Ho, Ye Ek Saal Toh Toh Chali Varna Chinese Maal Toh 5-6 Mahine Se Jyada Kahan Chalta Hai??? Bengali: My grandfather lived for 96 years & he never used glasses. Santa: Yes, I know, some people in my family also drink directly from the bottle. Doctor To Santa: Aapki Ek Kidney Fail Ho Gayi Hai... Santa Pehle Toh Bahut Roya... Phir Aansu Ponchte Hue Pucha: Kitne Number Se ??? Santai: Khaana Kya Bana Rahi Ho? Santa: Aaj Butter Chicken, Chicken Biryani, Butter Naan Aur Saath main Tumhare Liye Chilled Beer Bhi Hai.... Santa: Khaana Bana Rahi Ho Ya Chutiya???
Read more

Wrong Sign Board!

Ek Ghane Jungle Se Gujarti Hui Sadak Ke Kinaare Ek Gyani Guru Apne Chele Ke Saath Ek Signboard Lagaa Kar Baithe Huye The, Jis Par Likha Thaa: Thahariye... Aapka Ant Nikat Hai ! Is Se Pehle Ki Bahut Der Ho Jaaye, Rukiye !!! Hum Aapka Jeevan Bacha Sakte Hain ! Ek Car Badi Tezi Se Wahaan Se Gujri. Chele Ne Driver Ko Board Padhne Ke Liye Ishaara Kiya. Car Driver Ne Board Kee Taraf Dekhkar Aur Gaali Dee Aur Chele Se Yah Kahte Hue Nikal Gaya: Tum Log Yahan Jungle Mein Bhi Dhandha Kar Rahe Ho. Sharam Aani Chaahiye Tumko! Chele Ne Badi Asahaye Nazron Se Guruji Ki Taraf Dekhta Hai. Guruji Bole: Jaise Prabhu Ki Ichchha ! Kuchh Hi Der Mein Brakes Ke Cheekhne Kee Aawaaz Aayi Aur Jordaar Dhamaaka Hua. Thodi Der Baad Ek Mini Truck Wahaan Se Gujra. Uska Driver Bhi Chele Ko Dutkarte Hue Aage Chalaa Gaya. Kuchh Samay Ke Baad Phir Brakes Ke Cheekhne Kee Aawaaz Aur Fir Dhadaam ! Guruji Phir Bole: Jaisi Prabhu Kee Ichchha ! Ab Chele Se Nahi Rahaa Gaya Aur Bola: Guruji Prabhu Ki Ichchh
Read more

Majboori?!?

Ek Sharaabi Sadak Ke Kinaare Bahut Jyaada Peene Ke Kaaran Lagbhag Besudh Saa Pada Huaa Thaa. Ek Bhale Aadmi Ne Uske Paas Aakar Poochha: Aakhir Itni Jyaada Peene Ki Kya Jaroorat Thee ? Sharabi: Majboori Thee. Peene Ke Alaawaa Aur Koi Chaaraa Hee Nahi Thaa.. ! Bhala Aadmi: Aaakhir Aisi Kya Majboori Ho Gayi Thi??? Sharaabi: Bottle Ka Dhakkan Gum Gayaa Thaa!!!!
Read more